Fuck i love driving in Bali. Just full speed ahead, weaving in and out of traffic, on the motorbike with no helmet, dodging cars like it’s a video game. Driving in Australia on the other hand frustrates the hell out of me and after years of speeding fines and dangerous driving charges i quite enjoy the freedom of powering my motorbike through the streets of Indonesia. It is extremely dangerous though, most exciting things are and of course sooner or later i was going to come unstuck and get fup duck. Sunday night i had my first heavy accident on the island of the gods.
I bailed from Eikon at about 3am, after not a big but rather boozy sunday night. I was rolling up to a set of traffic lights and they turned green so i twisted my wrist and brought the throttle back on. Picking up speed as i got closer, i noticed a taxi slowing down on the road to my right, nothing out of the ordinary so i just motored on through. Maybe it was that id drunk triple tequila and sprites for 6 hours or maybe, i dunno, but somehow just like that the taxi was two metres from my right hand side and about bowl my arse over! My reaction, though i now know a retarded one, was to jump off of my motorbike in an attempt to not reach the collision myself. To be honest i blacked out right then, half way into the air up above my bike, taxi split seconds away. When i came to, my left side felt like it was on fire as i dragged along under the bumper of the taxi, my right arm clinging to the grill to prevent me from being run over. Brakes already heavily applied it only took a split second for the red light running bastard to bring the car to a complete stop. Laying on my back all i could think was ‘what the fuck was that’. A little Indonesian man appeared in front of me saying something i could not quite make out, shit i couldn’t make anything out, I felt the car move away and then realised he was leaving me there as he drove off. It seems taxi drivers are worms no matter what country your in.
I slowly made it to my feet, feeling like id been finger banged by an entire football team and started walking home. Being three in the morning there was no one else about and i guess autopilot kicked in. Luckily for me home was 500 metres away and i made it back without any further harm, just a lot of pain.
I called out to my housemate from downstairs and when he saw me he insisted on taking me to hospital, so it was onto his bike for the journey down there. Laying in the bed in BIMC i was sore but nothing too bad. The doc’s told me what they were going to do- put a drip in and knock me out, clean me up etc- and then ran off to get everything organised leaving two nurses to put the drip in. Now, i don’t know what it is about me, but for not the first time the nurses couldn’t get the drip in. When it happened a few years ago they found the vein but the plastic piece on the outside of the needle that is supposed to stay in your arm, kept peeling back because my skin was too hard. No ones fault, this time however, the retards dressed in nurses uniforms just could not find a vein. I mean, i was messed up but i could see veins everywhere, and these bitches can’t get a needle in? I took the needle off of them, ive had to put a drip in myself before so i figured id do it and i went to put it in my forearm. “No wait, you must put it in your hand” one of the nurses protested to which my only reply could be and was “when you can work out how to put it in I’ll let you decide where it goes, till then, it’s all me!”. After looking around and not really knowing what to think i decided to go with the ‘expert’ advice and i successfully inserted the needle into the top of my hand, then removed it leaving only the plastic sleeve inside the vein.
Hooked up to the drip i laid back and prepared to fall asleep when things took a turn for the worse. As suddenly as the taxi had crept up on me, i lost vision in my right eye! WHAT THE FUCK! I freaked out, no word of a lie it was one of the biggest scares of my life. I started pulling my eye lids right open and rubbing my eye in some sort of attempt to regain vision, but nothing. The nurse hurried the doctors back in and they kept saying it was going to be ok but still, i was freaking hard. I felt a tingle move up my hand as they injected me via the drip that i’d inserted, with some good shit, no idea what it was but, well it was good shit. Completely knocked me out.
Next thing i know i was standing at the counter with my housemate Buddha organising payment and trying to get us home. I had my vision back, i had more bandages than an egyptian cemetery and surprisingly enough i wasnt really in any pain.
Driving in Bali is great fun and i had accepted a long time ago that this would probably happen sooner or later, but fuck it hurt when it did, shit it still does and still will for a few weeks i imagine.
Twisted Agave ~ Skinned Cactus